"Here's a good rule of thumb, cable news networks: If O.J. goes to Anna Nicole Smith's grave and digs up her body, dresses it like Paris Hilton, and then mails it to Michael Jackson, you can consider that news. If he simply goes down to the end of his driveway to get his mail, it isn't."
-- Bob Sassone, TV Squad
"If we don't do something, by 2050, all the polar bears will be gone. That's where Santa Claus lives, man. That's a bummer."