Oh, Man

The Astros fan whose marriage proposal was rebuffed in front of 30,000 fans actually struck out twice Monday night.

He didn't get the girl.

And now he's stuck with the $300 bill from the Astros, which is the tab for two tickets, the proposal shown on the centerfield scoreboard and a souvenir video of the proceedings.

"We did what we said we were going to do," said Pam Gardner, president of business operations. "We hope these proposals will be serious and special, so people have to think before they do it."
……
To recap: The Kiss Cam, which encourages couples to smooch on camera, zoomed in on the gentleman with highest hopes for the evening.

As happens often — usually once a series when the 'Stros are at home — the schmaltzy music started to play and the man scrambled to his knees and reached for the engagement ring.

Usually the guy slides the ring on his intended's finger, they kiss enthusiastically, then everybody settles back into their seats to watch more baseball.

This night, however, the woman looked surprised, then mad at the sight of the ring, either spilled her popcorn or dumped it on the gentleman's head and left amid a chorus of boos.

"Who knows," said one marketing staff member who wouldn't be named, "maybe she went to get a drink."

The woman didn't return to her seat. The man left amid sympathetic cheers after the top of the sixth.

Gardner felt sympathetic pangs, too.

"But we're not counselors," she said. "We're here to play baseball and do in-game entertainment."

Awwww . . . .

At least he wasn’t this guy:

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

Repeat after me . . . Oh, Man.