Once again, Al Gore appears on TV and shows all the charm, humor, and self-deprecation that he lacked in 2000, and once again I start thinking "You know, I'd love it if Al ran again, but only if he didn't revert to Wooden Condescending Al when he got into campaign mode." Thinking about another Gore run just makes me nervous because he's going to have to stay exactly how he is right now to overcome the "This guy again??" backlash he'll surely face, and there's absolutely no telling whether he can pull that off. I'd fully back the run of Al V.2006 if I knew for sure that Al V.2000 was gone forever.
No matter what, though...this was great stuff from SNL...
In 2000 when you overwhelmingly made the decision to elect me as your 43rd president, I knew the road ahead would be difficult. We have accomplished so much yet challenges lie ahead.
In the last 6 years we have been able to stop global warming. No one could have predicted the negative results of this. Glaciers that once were melting are now on the attack.
As you know, these renegade glaciers have already captured parts of upper Michigan and northern Maine, but I assure you: we will not let the glaciers win.
Right now, in the 2nd week of May 2006, we are facing perhaps the worst gas crisis in history.
We have way too much gasoline. Gas is down to $0.19 a gallon and the oil companies are hurting.
I know that I am partly to blame by insisting that cars run on trash.I am therefore proposing a federal bailout to our oil companies because - hey if it were the other way around, you know the oil companies would help us.
On a positive note, we worked hard to save Welfare, fix Social Security and of course provide the free universal health care we all enjoy today.
But all this came at a high cost. As I speak, the gigantic national budget surplus is down to a perilously low $11 trillion dollars.
And don't get any ideas. That money is staying in the very successful lockbox. We're not touching it.
Of course, we could give economic aid to China, or lend money to the Saudis... again. But right now we're already so loved by everyone in the world that American tourists can't even go over to Europe anymore... without getting hugged.
There are some of you that want to spend our money on some made-up war. To you I say: what part of "lockbox" don't you understand? What if there's a hurricane or a tornado? Unlikely I know because of the Anti-Hurricane and Tornado Machine I was instrumental in helping to develop.
But... what if? What if the scientists are right and one of those giant glaciers hits Boston? That's why we have the lockbox!
As for immigration, solving that came at a heavy cost, and I personally regret the loss of California. However, the new Mexifornian economy is strong and el Presidente Schwarznegger is doing a great job.
There have been some setbacks. Unfortunately, the confirmation process for Supreme Court Justice Michael Moore was bitter and devisive. However, I could not be more proud of how the House and Senate pulled together to confirm the nomination of Chief Justice George Clooney.
Baseball, our national passtime, still lies under the shadow of steroid accusations. But I have faith in baseball commissioner George W. Bush when he says, "We will find the steroid users if we have to tap every phone in America!"
Dammit, Al...stop getting my hopes up...
Meanwhile, while we're on the topic of SNL, now's probably a good time to mention that the second half of this season of SNL has been absolutely phenomenal. I mean, it's not like every skit is good or anything (it's still the perfect TiVo show...you can just skip the bad skits...and you can tell they're bad within 30 seconds), but there have been more funny moments in the last half of this season than the last 3 seasons combined. Granted, having pros like Steve Martin, Tom Hanks, and Alec Baldwin (not to mention SNL alum Julia-Louis Dreyfuss last night) host ups the quality quite a bit, but still...the overall quality has improved even when the host wasn't involved. There have been a few classic skits...mostly SNL Digital Shorts like the epic "Lazy Sunday" skit to Natalie Portman gangsta rapping...but even the non-classic ones (like last night's "creepy guys setting up Myspace.com accounts" skit) are again worth watching. Kudos to SNL's staff by both switching up the writing crew and adding new young blood to the cast. Kristen Wiig, Andy Samberg, Bill Hader, and Jason Sudeikis have all made significant contributions right out of the gates.
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